Monopoly or Gameboys: Can we have children earn their gifts?

I have nephew who has this habit of wanting things. He is now 11 years old. When he was about eight, he would drive me and my wife nuts whenever he came to stay with us – we had to endure endless cries of “I want….., I want…..”. Getting him to say “please” was the most enormous task indeed. Over the past couple of years, he had tone down the “I wants..” and getting him to say “please” was not too difficult, yet the challenge remains. I guess I am the only uncle that ignores him when gets into his “I want…” mode. When he sees I do not respond, the polite mode kicks in – at least he knows.

Recently I went shopping with him and his grandparents. He went into his “I want..” mode and in pops a eighty-over-ringgit Monopoly set. I was uneasy. I have never known this young boy to enjoy Monopoly. He has never mentioned about the game Monopoly. It is a game he does not play well – if he even knows how to play at all. I went around the shopping center with this uneasy thought in my mind that he got his grandfather to give him what he wants just because he wants it – not really to enjoy playing it. When we reached the payment counter, his grandfather, gave him RM80 to be given to me as I was paying for the rest of the groceries and stuff.

Immediately an idea came up and the very next moment I challenged my nephew that I will buy the Monopoly, save granddad his hard earn ringgit and get into a game with me. If he wins, he gets to keep the set. If he does not, he will probably have to play until he wins – that is if he does not give up half-way through, which he has the tendency to. I am not really a Monopoly player myself but I have played enough to under and appreciate the game. His first reaction was that he will keep granddad’s money and take the easy way out. When I asked him again, he thought for a while and then said with a determined tone, “I will take you challenge!” and off he went to return the money to his granddad.

While walking back to car, his impatience stepped in and his mind started to change. I told him that it was his own choice and if he wanted to he could change his mind, if he wanted to do so. He did not. I guess it was a struggle for him. Anyway, the family grand Monopoly challenge will take place in 5 days time. I was hoping that his determination to want it is great enough that he will strive for it.

When I got back home, my children, who witnessed the whole episode engaged in a conversation with me over this event. My younger daughter (7 years old) remarked that some parents are so good and that whatever their children wanted their parents would buy for them. My elder one (8 years old) joined in felt that children should earn their gifts in some way. My two daughters experienced over 8 months of painstaking point collection (points awarded for chores and studies activities) before each of them got their little “gameboy” game console. When I asked my older daughter again, would she be prefer to earn all he gifts, her reply was, “sometimes”. My younger daughter then concurred. This last statement struck me! I am starting to wonder if I am actually teaching my children to appreciate and respect the gifts the get.

Would you have made a stand or just let it be and have the grandparents and my nephew do and get what they want. Reflecting my daughter’s remark that sometimes kids need to get stuff because they are kids and kids naturally want stuff they like. On the other hand the challenge is teaching our kids to appreciate the things they have. I find it a challenge to strike a balance and there is no gauge to determine if you have done the right thing.

I guess sometimes we just buy because we want to and give because we want to and sometime we get them to earn them – we could do it by digging deep into out parental nature to strike the balance.

What are your thoughts and what would you have done?

KayVee